drink the poison when you think it's over

I don't know what in the world is happening to me. First I had to be injured so badly. and now, i've got some tonsilitis or whatever it is. I've got bloody ulcers on my tonsils. If it doesn't get better, I have to be hospitalised again. and I don't want to be on that drip. To poke it into my skin is torture.

The doctor advised me to be hospitalised, but I don't want to! ): but then if I don't drink nor eat, which is what i'm currently doing, I will be dehydrated. and that's worse. but the pain is excruciating. ))))): I can't even swallow my saliva without feeling an acute pain.

Why are all the bad things coming? If only bryan wasn't in the army, he would make everything seem okay.

God, lessen my pain. please.
I've had too much of it already.