WHY WHY WHY
There are so many people telling me that I'm such a lucky kid to get a 6months MC, that I get to skip PFT and PE and CCA and everything. Can you really call that lucky? LET ME TELL YOU NOW, THAT THE ONLY REASON I'M GIVEN SUCH A LONG TERM MC IS BECAUSE MY INJURY IS SO BAD THAT I'M NOT PHYSICALLY FIT TO DO ANYTHING YOU PEOPLE CAN DO. HOW CAN YOU CALL ME LUCKY WHEN YOU ARE ALL ABLE TO DO PRETTY MANAGEABLY WHAT I CAN NEVER DO IN MY WILDEST DREAMS FOR THIS 6 MONTHS?
I'm lucky to stay in a hospital and enjoy good food? Think again. Hospital stays are torturous. They're scary. They're lonely. and they're full of sick people. I hate hospitals. I hate drips. I hate bedpans. I hate injections every few hours. I hate puking up my food. I hate lying in bed all day. I hate not being able to walk. I hate not being able to bend my knee. I hate having to go through operations. I hate having to feel so scared at night and crying my eyes out. I hate acting brave in front of all the doctors and nurses and people. I hate having to be so dependent on people. I hate popping pills all the time. I hate having a tube in my leg to drain out excess blood from the operation. I hate having to pluck the tube out. It freaking hurts. I hate being sponged clean by nurses. I hate baring my body to strangers. I hate going for xrays. I hate going for MRI scan. I hate looking like some sick bitch in bed. I hate this torture I've been put through.
Now tell me, is a hospital stay that good afterall?
Time and again I keep asking God, why must it happen to me. Why? Why must it happen to me, when I believe in You and I love You. Why? Why must I be subjected to such torture, such immobility, such dependency on others? Why must I be placed under so many discomforts?
I've got a million whys that will never be answered. They say that there is pain and suffering in the world only because people don't turn to God. But I did. I turned to Him. I praise Him. I love Him. Why did it still happen to me? Why didn't God supernaturally intervene in the faithful game that caused my injury? It would have been so easy for Him. Why is He doing all these when I love Him so much?
To test my faith?
There are so many people telling me that I'm such a lucky kid to get a 6months MC, that I get to skip PFT and PE and CCA and everything. Can you really call that lucky? LET ME TELL YOU NOW, THAT THE ONLY REASON I'M GIVEN SUCH A LONG TERM MC IS BECAUSE MY INJURY IS SO BAD THAT I'M NOT PHYSICALLY FIT TO DO ANYTHING YOU PEOPLE CAN DO. HOW CAN YOU CALL ME LUCKY WHEN YOU ARE ALL ABLE TO DO PRETTY MANAGEABLY WHAT I CAN NEVER DO IN MY WILDEST DREAMS FOR THIS 6 MONTHS?
I'm lucky to stay in a hospital and enjoy good food? Think again. Hospital stays are torturous. They're scary. They're lonely. and they're full of sick people. I hate hospitals. I hate drips. I hate bedpans. I hate injections every few hours. I hate puking up my food. I hate lying in bed all day. I hate not being able to walk. I hate not being able to bend my knee. I hate having to go through operations. I hate having to feel so scared at night and crying my eyes out. I hate acting brave in front of all the doctors and nurses and people. I hate having to be so dependent on people. I hate popping pills all the time. I hate having a tube in my leg to drain out excess blood from the operation. I hate having to pluck the tube out. It freaking hurts. I hate being sponged clean by nurses. I hate baring my body to strangers. I hate going for xrays. I hate going for MRI scan. I hate looking like some sick bitch in bed. I hate this torture I've been put through.
Now tell me, is a hospital stay that good afterall?
Time and again I keep asking God, why must it happen to me. Why? Why must it happen to me, when I believe in You and I love You. Why? Why must I be subjected to such torture, such immobility, such dependency on others? Why must I be placed under so many discomforts?
I've got a million whys that will never be answered. They say that there is pain and suffering in the world only because people don't turn to God. But I did. I turned to Him. I praise Him. I love Him. Why did it still happen to me? Why didn't God supernaturally intervene in the faithful game that caused my injury? It would have been so easy for Him. Why is He doing all these when I love Him so much?
To test my faith?
Labels: fucking pissed off.
posted by Dawne H. | 12:31 PM
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